The Conversations We’ve Had With Cora About Choosing a College

Three generations of opinions, one hopeful dad, a very pointed kid… and what we’ve learned about choosing schools

First of all, I love requests. Bring me more. I’ll do my best to be helpful.

A dad recently asked if I could write about the conversations we’ve had with Cora while choosing colleges. Before I answer that, I want to tell you a little about how college decisions happened in my family because I think our own experiences shape the way we guide our kids.

So much has changed since I was applying to schools.

Back then, my family had a huge influence on me.

My Chinese grandmother who raised me, my Popo, once said very matter-of-factly, “You’re not going to a State school. You’re going to a University.”

Period. End of discussion.

She wasn’t mean or controlling. It was simply truth in her mind.

My dad, who I called Bah Bah, had different dreams. He wanted me to go to the Naval Academy. I came from a Navy family and I was the first one who might actually have had a shot. We made it all the way to a summer program in Annapolis. I stayed for a week and genuinely loved parts of it.

But I didn’t know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

So I asked, “What classes would I need to take if I wanted to become an astronaut?”

The answer was basically physics, math, more physics, more math, some science, and then additional physics. Those were not exactly my strengths.

So I asked another question:

“Do you have liberal arts majors?”

To their credit, they were kind and did not laugh.

Eventually, I made what felt like a brave phone call home and told my dad I didn’t think I could apply because I couldn’t see anything I wanted to study there if becoming an astronaut wasn’t realistic. He understood.

At the end of the program, my family flew out and met me in Annapolis. We walked what they considered hallowed ground together. Somehow, that was enough for them.

Years later, I realize that mattered.

Not because I chose that path, but because they cared enough to imagine one for me.

As college became more real, I became interested in Ithaca College because of journalism. I liked the brochure. New York sounded exciting.

Popo said:

“You’re staying in California.”

Again, I listened.

Then Bah Bah started planting seeds about USC. It happened slowly in conversations. It had a great football program. It was prestigious. It was close enough to home. It was also wildly expensive.

But what if?

What if a single dad could send his daughter somewhere like USC?

He spoke about it with such reverence that eventually, I started wanting it, too. We attended an orientation in downtown San Diego where they talked about the Trojan Family and financial aid. Somehow we walked out believing.

Believing USC was possible.

Believing it was right for me.

Believing they would make it work financially.

And they did.

At some point, my grandmother suggested Pepperdine. I remember learning how small it was and dismissing it as:

“Puny Pepperdine.”

Teenage me was apparently very opinionated.

I wanted a big university. Energy. School spirit. By then, I only had eyes for USC.

I wanted to tell you all of that before talking about Cora because I think our generation approaches this differently.

Maybe less:

“This is where you’re going.”

And more:

“Who are you?”

“What kind of life do you want?”

Cora’s situation is unusual in one important way: she knows what she wants. And I know enough parents of older teens now to understand how rare that is.

She wants to major in Broadcast Journalism. She wants to be a live reporter and eventually an anchor.

By high school graduation she’ll have completed a six-year Career Technical Education pathway in broadcast journalism. She has taught broadcasting to middle school and high school students in rural Alaska, interviewed locals on both sides of a protest in Ireland, and attended the national Student Television Network competition since 8th grade.

Someone recently told me students like this are called “pointed.”

Meaning: they have direction.

So we haven’t had much stress around what she wants to study.

We’ve had stress around where.

Those are different conversations.

I started researching early. Sophomore year, maybe before. I Googled “best colleges for broadcast journalism” and then looked at everything else I could find. Journalism. Communications. I never trusted one list.

I looked and looked and looked.

At STN, there’s a college row where schools recruit. Freshman year, we didn’t push. Sophomore year, we encouraged her to look at the booths. Junior year, she arrived with intention.

And a resume.

That changed things.

Schools remembered her. At least three expressed strong interest. We visited two shortly after the convention while she was still fresh in their minds.

That mattered.

But choosing colleges isn’t only about programs.

It’s about life.

Does your student want football games and school spirit? A quieter campus? Students who are equally as devoted to academics? A city? A college town? Four seasons? Walkable coffee shops? Internships nearby? Restaurants? A place that feels safe? And something that gets talked about more and more these days — post grad job placement.

I’ve realized Cora pays close attention to the surroundings. Some campuses have villages around them with restaurants, coffee shops and little downtowns.

Others don’t.

That matters to her. So we talk about that a fair bit.

She is also thinking heavily about what schools can cut her 9-10 year track to anchor in a bigger sized city. Graduates from some schools can cut three years off that path. She’s paying attention to that. She’s also talking to colleges about merit scholarships and when to apply for them.

I think safety matters too. And comfort. And imagining an actual life there.

I’m also a little woo woo.

I’ve told her, “You’ll know.”

Maybe not immediately. Maybe not before acceptance letters. But if she’s choosing between a few options, I hope she listens to her gut. I hope she notices where things feel aligned.

Because sometimes the right choice doesn’t only make sense.

Sometimes it feels right the moment you step on campus too.

Now, our Substack friend who asked this question might be much earlier in the process. Their student may have no idea what they want to study.

And honestly?

That’s OK.

I’m a fan of alternative paths. Gap years. Trade schools. Community college and transferring into the school of your dreams two years later. Or not at all. Art school. Apprenticeships. Entrepreneurship.

Heck, if Cora wanted something unconventional, I’d probably say:

“Here’s some money, here’s a place to live… make it work.”

Kids today have so many more options than we ever imagined. Nearly a century ago when I was applying to college (I kid… mostly), the path felt more prescribed. I grew up in Southern California so most of the applications were checking the boxes of what UC schools you wanted. Today, that doesn’t work for Cora because of what she’s interested in.

So if you’re just getting started and feeling overwhelmed, here are a few ChatGPT prompts that might help organize your thinking.

Not because AI knows your child better than you do.

It doesn’t.

But sometimes it helps uncover possibilities or build a starting list you hadn’t considered.

One important note before the prompts: Google and ChatGPT can be useful starting places, but they’re not substitutes for strong counselors, consultants, mentors, or trusted teachers. Think of these prompts as tools to uncover possibilities and ask better questions — not final answers. Always double-check deadlines, scholarships, costs, admissions data, and program details.

If your student has no idea what they want to do:

My high school student enjoys ________, is good at ________, and dislikes ________. Suggest college majors, careers, trade programs, apprenticeships, or alternative paths that might fit their strengths and personality. Include earning potential, lifestyle, and education required.

If your student knows the field but not the schools:

My student wants to study ________. Create a list of strong programs in the U.S. Include reach schools, match schools, safety schools, estimated costs, scholarship potential, internship strength, surrounding town vibe, school size, and school spirit.

If finances are a major factor:

My student has approximately ______ GPA, ______ SAT/ACT, and is interested in ________. Find schools likely to offer merit aid, strong scholarships, or pathways that reduce overall costs.

If lifestyle matters as much as academics:

Suggest colleges for a student who wants a big sports culture or quieter campus, warm weather or seasons, a city or college town, walkable coffee shops, nearby internships, and a campus environment that feels safe and welcoming.

If your family is open to alternatives:

Suggest alternatives to a four-year university for a student interested in ________. Include trade schools, apprenticeships, certifications, entrepreneurship, gap years, and transfer pathways.

One thing I’ve learned watching Cora build her list is that choosing a college isn’t only about rankings or prestige.

It’s also about who your kid becomes there.

The life between classes. The mentors. The coffee shops. The internships. The friends. The version of themselves they grow into.

And maybe, eventually, walking on campus and thinking:

I could see myself here.

Sometimes that matters just as much as the brochure.

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Parents with older kids: What conversations influenced your college choices? And what advice are you giving your own kids now?

I’d genuinely love to hear.

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